I had not slept well. The sharp pains in my lower back and abdomen had awakened me many times throughout the night. A heaviness began to weigh upon my heart as the realization of what was happening in my body, rang loudly in my mind. I tried to come to terms with the fact that we were going to lose this baby. I wept. The tears flowed freely down my face.
My heart argued with my head that maybe I was mistaken, but all of the evidence shouted otherwise. I resolved to accept what was happening as part of God's perfect plan. I told myself over and over that He was in control and knew what was best.
The waiting was unbearable so I tried to sleep. At least then the painful thoughts and endless cramping would subside. There was nothing anyone could do to stop the inevitable from happening. When would it all be over?
There were many well wishers as word got around. I smiled as I read each one. It was comforting to know so many prayers were prayed on our behalf.
I received one text in particular that I'd like to share with you. Carol Martin, a dear woman of God, who knew nothing of our circumstance or even that we were expecting, sent me an encouraging word. It went like this:
Sis, you are in my prayers today and I wanted to share a word of encouragement. Psalm 121 says, THE LORD IS MY KEEPER. God will keep what we cannot keep. He will do what we cannot do! When our hands are tied; His hands are free. So look up! He is able to work for you today.
God had spoken to me directly! Though I could not keep this baby, He could! Though my hands were tied, His were free. He is my help and I will trust Him. He is at work. Even though I don't understand why things have happened the way they have, I will trust Him that He is able to keep what I cannot.
At 6 pm on Saturday, February 26, 2011, the inevitable happened. I miscarried. I put a precious jewel into our loving Savior's hands. I was not able to keep that treasure, but He is! Now I have two precious little ones in Heaven. It gives more meaning to that old chorus, "I've Got More to Go to Heaven For Than I Did Yesterday".I've Got More to Go to Heaven For
The Lord is my Keeper and I will trust Him!