15 Week Old Baby In UteroSince this is Sanctity of Human Life Week, I thought I would write about my experience with what some people would call "a blob". I have briefly written on this topic before, but wanted to go farther into detail.
After having three children, my husband and I thought that "we were done". I know you have heard that phrase before and perhaps have even said it yourself. God began to slowly change our hearts to having more children. It was a long process as we journeyed hand in hand with our Creator. He sent us little nudges here and there that led us in the direction of wanting Him to bless us with another child.
In 2003, we quit using birth control thinking we would conceive immediately. It was about six months later that we joyfully realized that indeed God had chosen us to parent another one of His blessings!
My pregnancy was normal and much like my other three. I was very sick and out of breath most of the time which was not abnormal. My husband and I were in the church choir and our whole family went on choir tour in April of 2004. We also moved into the house where we live now.
On Memorial Day, Kelly and I were in the garage watching Steve paint when all of a sudden I felt the baby move for the first time! I yelled for them to come and feel. They rushed to put their hands on my stomach, and to their enjoyment, the baby kicked again! We were all very excited to feel our baby move even though I was only 15 1/2 weeks along. It seemed odd for Steve and Kelly to be able to feel movement that early in the pregnancy, but we dismissed it thinking we must be going to have a really active baby!
The next day I had a doctor's appointment. For reasons we do not remember, Kelly and I are the only ones who went to the appointment that day. Usually, we all went together as a family, but not this time.
Panic crept into my heart as the doctor searched in vain for a heartbeat. I tried to remain calm for Kelly who was watching me with questioning eyes. The doctor called Steve to tell him of the situation. We waited for him to get to the office before we did an ultrasound.
We wept as the ultrasound showed no life; our baby had died. A second ultrasound in the hospital confirmed the awful truth.
We chose to stay in the hospital until my body rejected what was no longer living. On Wednesday, I delivered a baby boy weighing about as mush as a box of paper clips. The cause of death was determined that he had had an aneurysm because his abdomen was filled with blood.
My heart was so broken. I felt so empty inside. Our hopes and dreams were crushed, but we clung to our God. He gave us peace in those dark days.
I held Nikolas Deven French in the palm of my hand and kissed his wet cheek. His perfectly formed hand with ten tiny little fingers was the size of my fingernail. I was awed at how much he resembled a full-term baby though his skin was transparent and his eyes were not yet set in the proper position. His bones were not as hard as a full-term baby. His feet were preciously small and oh, so tiny. He was approximately six inches long from head to toe. He was precious, though we only had him for a short time.
I was struck with the thoughts of how God must feel when Mommies choose to end life at this stage. If only they could see what was growing inside of them! Sanctity of Human Life has more meaning than it did 6 1/2 years ago. Now there is a name and a memory that is very near and dear to my heart.
As you go through this week, I pray your thoughts are those that value the human life, whether young or old. Deuteronomy 30:19 says, "I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live."